I’m Going Back to Bed, and a #WriteMotivation Update.

Holy carp, Aledans – where did July go? I’m glad it’s over because the past month kicked my ass, but for Trina this year is flying by. It’s already August, and I’ve signed up for #WriteMotivation again. I have to tell you the truth though: I have no motivation to write. None.

Remember last week when I was musing that the reason Nameless is getting rejected is because it’s not high concept? I was told, quite clearly, this week that the reason is because my writing is still sub-par. Which is so disheartening. I’ve been working on this for eleven years and re-written it several times, and although I know I’ve become a better writer (a MUCH better writer), it’s so un-motivating to hear that I’m still not good enough. That Nameless is going to require another re-write. That Apollo and Book of Souls and anything else I write is still not going to be good enough.

Quite honestly, it makes me want to quit. This entire summer makes me want to throw my hands up and say “fuck it, I’m going back to bed”.

Dog-blanket-cage

But…eleven years. I’ve worked so hard for this, and come so far, and I’m not the kind of person who likes to lose. It’s not like I can’t learn more. I haven’t hit any walls, just a really annoying speed bump. Or maybe a cop who’s pulled me over going “time to publish” in a “you still have things to learn about writing” zone. The ticket is my first ten pages of Nameless with notes like “the MC isn’t doing anything – she’s being acted upon instead of acting upon something else”, and “lacks description”, and another “your warriors are wimps” (yeah, that’s not the first time I’ve heard that). The fine? Another x-number of years learning how to write.

*headdesk*
*headdesk*

So although I signed up for #WriteMotivation this month and I’ll certainly try to keep on top of things, it feels a bit pointless. My list is:

1. Finish Transcribing Apollo Edits (preferably by WriteOnCon).

2. Write Apollo query/synopsis.

3. Edit Aleda’s Story and post it weekly.

4. Begin writing Faye and Tarrin.

I can almost guarantee I won’t be participating in WriteOnCon this year (at least not trying to get an agent. I’ll still be looking for writing tips and such). I still plan to edit Aleda’s Story and post it weekly (#2 will go up tomorrow like normal), and I’ll be writing Faye and Tarrin with the comments from my edit in mind. More description. The MCs should be the ones acting on something, not being acted upon. No wimpy warriors (check! There are no warriors in Faye and Tarrin).

Eventually, when I’m ready to tackle it again, I’ll be ripping apart Nameless and re-writing it.

bouduck
Boudin ripping apart his duck.

Until then, it’s time to get back to practicing. I’ll see you tomorrow for the second part of Aleda’s Story, and on Sunday for another Custom Pony. Have a good weekend, Aledans.

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Published by

Rebecca Enzor

Rebecca Enzor is a chemist in Charleston, SC who writes Young Adult and New Adult Fantasy and Magical Realism. Repped by Eric Smith of P.S. Literary.

28 thoughts on “I’m Going Back to Bed, and a #WriteMotivation Update.”

  1. Oh goodness. I hate you’re having to go through this because I could live in your book’s world. I LOVE Nameless, so you can’t give up, at least not until I can hold that book in my hands and put it on my bookshelf. If you ever need to brainstorm or need a buddy to work through edits or anything, you know you can always email/call/whatever. Someday, everyone’s going to see just how beautiful your writing is. You’ll be okay 🙂

  2. Argh!! Sympathies and cyberhugs to ya. Go ahead and wallow a bit, let your manuscript rest and your subconscious work on all that input. Then ATTACK!! which is pretty much what it sounds like you plan to do. Best wishes as you stretch and grow (painful yeah, I know; this spring I still got comments that my writing wasn’t strong enough, even though I have an agent!). Chin up. 🙂

  3. Oh Becca….I feel for you b/c I feel like I have been there before, maybe multiple times. OK, not with writing a book, but you know what I mean. You should channel this frustration into your next fight scene, where you show off how not wimpy your warriors as your MC is acting quite violently on something!
    Go for a run, or vacation, or to the bar…w/e it takes to refresh yourself and find your spunky don’t-take-crap attitude, then take these comments, digest them, then throw an amazingly well written piece right back at them. Have you heard of the singer Sarah Barelles? I love her for many reasons, but one of the top has to be the reason she wrote “Love Song” which includes the lyrics .
    I’m not gonna write you a love song
    ‘Cause you asked for it
    ‘Cause you need one, you see
    I’m not gonna write you a love song
    She wrote it after her label kept pushing her to write a “marketable song.
    “I was just getting a really sort of blasé reaction to everything…I started to get really insecure about it, and then I got really pissed off at myself for caring what anybody thought. … I went to a rehearsal space one day. I sat down and wrote something for me. And ‘Love Song’ basically wrote itself.”
    Be careful with the “more details” comment. I don’t know the exact context of that criticism, but if it means details for the sake of details, some great authors have very little details, which sometimes I as a reader love, b/c I can fill it in with my won mind. Also, they can sometimes slow the pacing. Anyways, just my two cents.

    1. I need a vacation so bad. This summer has been full of failed vacations.

      I love Sara Bareilles! (she’s the CD in my car right now, actually. And many of her songs inspired FE scenes) I had no idea she wrote that for her label. That’s awesome.

  4. *Smacks the critics* Don’t give up. Do not give up. You know, as well as I do, that plenty of published writers were told their writing was sub-par. Psshhht! Writing is subjective.

    All right, you can do this. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and work on something completely different. So, it may not be Nameless’s time. So what? Those 11 years were not wasted. They were spent learning and growing. And you know you’ve grown. You know you have.

    So, now you focus on something different. Maybe play in a different world for a while. I know you love Fie Eoin, but maybe it’s time to let other worlds shine.

    Again, don’t give up. You can do this. 🙂

  5. Oh man… I know how you feel. And all I can say is it’s the people who keep going, no matter how many times we hit roadblocks, who eventually make it happen. That’s what I keep telling myself, and I do believe it.

    My first MS is a commercial women’s which I started in 2007. It’s been rewritten 4x from the ground up. It’s been re-titled, refocused… I’ve been to writer’s conferences, done online webinars with respectable agents, had CPs/betas/forums/contests give me endless feedback. I’ve stayed true to my gut but made so many awesome changes for the better, and I’ve learned an unspeakable amount through this book.

    I’ve had a handful of partials and 3 fulls, but always the same, “It’s well-written, but I didn’t connect to the characters” or the pacing was off or it just wasn’t for them. And the thing is, I’m so pleased about all the changes that I’ve learned how to make since every round of query rejections, so I can’t say I wish I’d gotten representation by now because that would most likely mean I’d never have made the changes I’m so proud of. I still believe in this story, even though some say, “But no one ever gets their first published. Use it as a learning experience and move on.” I don’t want to, given how good I feel this finally is. 11 years is a long time. 6+ years feels long. But I’m still trying to improve it, which means I still believe in it. All that to say, take heart; you’re not alone. It’s not pointless *at all*. Don’t give up 🙂

    1. I hate that “rule” that no one ever gets their first published. My first is where my heart is, and I will make it good enough to publish, even if it takes me another 11 years 🙂 Thank you for the support Cheyenne!

  6. Eleven years! Holy Cow! You have my utmost respect. The fact that you have made it this far should be proof that you can keep going. I know it is discouraging but I have often heard that most of the big time “overnight success” writers are people who have put in a decade or more in writing. It seems to me your attitude is very balanced in that you know it’s disheartening but you know not to give up. Keep at it.

    1. I knew when I decided to try to get published it would take a lot of work. I never went to school for writing and was taught all passive voice for science papers so it’s been a rough battle unlearning and relearning. But I’ll keep going, because I honestly have come So Far. 🙂

  7. Getting that kind of feedback is always a downer. And after eleven years it must be frustrating. But hang in there. Work on something else, give it time to sink in, and it won’t feel so bad. 🙂

  8. Welcome back to #writemotivation. I think we all go through this. Right now, I’m feeling like a fraud, a poser because I don’t think my writing will ever be good enough, either. But, just remember, never give up. Because giving up is easy. And we are so drawn to the easy aren’t we? But anything worth doing is hard. If you have to work for it, in the end we’ve accomplished something. Check this out, I wrote a while back: http://writebackwards.we3dements.com/wordpress/2013/03/11/dont-quit-march-writemotivation-week-2/ and the poem sings loudly! 🙂 Don’t give up. I’ve been working on mine for 2.5 years and I have so much to learn. I’ve always been afraid of the novel because I just don’t seem to get it. I still don’t. But I vow never to give up learning. I hope to be better! I have to rewrite my first draft and figure out the MC’s driving factor. I have no clue. It’s a quest story. But I don’t know why else she’d go on it. So….here I am, lost. 🙂 But not giving up! You should not either! ❤

    1. *hugs* I’d like to say I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this, but that sounds kind of awful, right? I *am* glad to have the support of so many people who have or are going through this same feeling, though 🙂 I promise I won’t give up!

  9. Oh man. I hate that someone said that. This business is so subjective. What one person thinks is “sub-par” another might absolutely adore. Just stay true to yourself and never stop fighting. You can do this!

  10. Keep learning, keep evolving! When you get an agent, it’ll be that much sweeter because the work you’ve put in has been that great. & don’t forget – you can always self-pub & use it as a gateway to a publisher.

  11. Were you told why your writing was supposedly sub-par? Do you know what you need to work on?

    Don’t give up! This is the story you’ve wanted to tell for a long time, and it will always be the one you are most motivated about. Use that motivation to make it shine even more.

    1. It’s all description stuff and word choices (and that bit about passive characters). So it’s fixable, it just feels like such a mountain to climb at the moment. I’m going to go climb some other mountain first before I try to tackle Mt. Fie Eoin again 🙂

  12. Sending you a huge bear hug, right now! I know how you feel. Don’t ever give up, because you have great stories. Also, one person’s opinion of “sub-par” means very little in the whole scheme of things.

    I’m about to dig in a revise my fantasy (which has big problems) and my middle grade fantasy (the characters are too flat). Keep at it and keep learning! You know where to find me if you want to bounce ideas.

  13. Wow. Eleven years. That’s amazing. And don’t listen the the naysayers. There is someone out there for every book/concept. Just keep at it. I’ve felt the same way before. I’ve also been the dog and just gone back to bed.

    I’m glad to see you back at #writemotivation and you’ve totally got this. I have faith in you and your writing. *hugs*

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